And if a double decker bus,crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die – the Smiths
The above quote is an illustration of the silly things we say when we’re in love. There’s this smitten feeling about it, as if it was laced with some sort of passionate enigma that we say beautiful things about the tragedy of death.
See, the reality is that this quote may be said by some of those men who are endearingly in love. Sometimes, the sad part is..they’re not exactly talking about you.
You know the drill..they like you, but they’ve been scarred in the past, so they end up guarding their heart like it was the last wonder of the world.
The most interesting type of the “emotionally scarred” bunch are those who have been scarred by a recent relationship; they’re caught up in this dream, despite liking you, they never extend this likeness to anything concrete.
Enter exhibit A. The dashing Mr. Ripley, the pHd-holding professor with a degree in economics. Despite his steel command of numbers, he realizes he has no emotional vault whatsoever.
I went out with Mr. Ripley for quite some time. We had great intellectual exchanges, we were both obviously attracted to one another, we talked about fictional political economies and how they oil these fictional worlds we live in…… – and yet, for some reason, I was left out in the cold. He dropped me like a cold fish: He stopped calling, he stopped meeting, he was all of a sudden “kidnapped” by all sorts of busy excuses.
I was already throwing a party to celebrate the enhanced sexual tension, when he revealed that he was still in deep love with his ex – who cheated.
The cheating bit really gets to me because it’s something I can never fully understand. Why should I repent for some bitch’s mistake? Why.. Was I not good enough? What was it that she had that I didn’t? (there must be something very compelling, else he won’t continue hounding her, or at least THATs what I thought).
The cycle begins – the cycle of wonder, the cycle of doubt, of validation. I think the problem with cheating is that it throws the man (or the woman) way off the beaten path that he or she refuses to simply see the light at the end of the tunnel. It takes months, if not years, to take them out of the rabbit hole; and even if we presuppose that this phenomena happens, it feels like as though they’re not really living. It feels like they’re caught up with the past’s timezone forever.
My friend got dumped by his girl for another woman – a similarly painful experience, even worse, because the betrayal happened to be for another being of the same gender. I won’t go into details, but basing from our beer conversations over the bay, things weren’t pretty. She might as well have handed him the dagger to cut his bleeding heart.
I’m not particularly fond of my past, but one good friend noted to me that ‘Men who have been cheated on are bad news.” Let me tell you honey, someone else bore those holes. It is not up to you to fix it.
I guess there’s also the flip side: We all hope for that one person, one magic, one quick fix solution to change things. There are catalysts in this world, but I beg to disagree that a current flame can overhaul a wreck like that.
What I’m basically saying is – These guys shouldn’t even be out in the market hunt. They should be listening to Earth Wind and Fire’s “After the love has gone…” cursing profanities, writing love letters that will never be read, and perhaps consider deporting themselves to a black hole.
OR… In an ideal world: They should learn to be resilient and add on to their resume of interestingness. Do stuff they’ve never done before, travel, get scared shitless, and have fun along the way. Then perhaps, the emotional trauma can be buried for a while; then maybe they can decide to move on.
There should be a law banning all these men who lead these poor women on. Maybe, just maybe, the world will be a better place.
- Belle
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