Being single for the most part isn’t so bad. But on days when things feel especially lonely and I find myself wishing there’s that ONE person you can call on days like these (at work they’d call that SPOC – Single Point of Contact), it makes me wonder if my one instance of dating douchebaggitry has earned me the karmic reception of douchebags or assholes from that point on.
See I went out with someone my friend set me up with. He did the asking and all but somehow the idea that ‘it should be ok because my friend thinks he’s ok’ stuck. On that premise alone, maybe I shouldn’t have gone out with him but I did.
The date was a disaster because I turned it into one by showing up 15 minutes late, bringing test papers to check DURING the date (I was still teaching at that time), staying for all of about 20 minutes, and by promptly telling him that I had to go to a meeting ‘right now’ when he asked how work was. I wouldn’t be surprised if he changed my name to “Ugly Bitch” in his phonebook…
I did feel remorse knowing that I deliberately made someone else feel miserable in my company and apologized the next day. I completely admit to my being a douchebag. Not letting him pay for my coffee hardly compensates for what I did which is probably why I got it into my head that all the douchebags I’ve encountered after that date are part of the karmic retribution for my sole victim of my douchbaggitry.
But there’s only so many douchebags I can take especially when they fall into the following categories that are so real they sound fictional:
*In no particular order.. some of which I may or may not have dated.
1. The one who said “I like you but I like someone else better” – What the hell were you doing then? Shopping around for which girl fits your ‘effort budget’?!
2. The one who says he’s sure about me and a few weeks later goes running back to his ex who apparently cheated on him – I can’t even begin to understand how this can be rationalized. The only thing I can say about this is he was VERY indecisive.
3. The one who attempted to take me to his room during a HUGE out-of-town trip (with 300 other people… i said it was HUGE) and attempted to kiss me when I decided to leave and sit on the pavement instead because sirens were wailing in my head (danger! danger!) …. ALL while I was drunk and all I asked was for company while I sobered up. – Oh forget getting an apology from THIS douchebag for any of that. And I wasn’t even dating him! He was in my friend bucket. He was of course promptly transferred to the douchebag bucket after this. Especially since none of my other guy friends EVER did that to me when I asked them to keep me company while I sobered up.
4. The one who called while in a drunken stupor, professing his affection… saying it was all unexpected and for a moment there it felt wonderful but the next day, I realized he doesn’t remember that phone call at all. – *facepalm* Oh no! Not again!
5. The one who strings me along never speaking to me in public but apparently does cartwheels when we exchange messages. – Is this supposed to be thrilling?
6. The dirty old man (who is married by the way) who asks to be introduced during a party and proceeds to puff his chest like a blowfish trying to impress a guppy – This is just plain gross and pointless.
7. The one who is conveniently located 9 hours away (by car) from his girlfriend and calls at odd hours to talk about nothing. – Believe me, that location is only convenient for HIM. I stopped taking his phone calls a long time ago.
8. The engaged guy who made a move… and caused his cousin (who happens to be my friend… or so I thought because of this: ) to act like a jealous boyfriend. – Up to this day I don’t know what went down between them. The guy got married… after his second engagement to someone else… and my friend still hasn’t spoken to me…hmm… I guess we’re no longer friends huh?
9. The one who always says I remind him of his EX. – This and its many forms (Read: My ex likes that movie too!, You look like my ex!, He says you look and SOUND so much like his current girlfriend…- WTH?!) is probably the worst thing you can tell me. Makes me feel like I’m just a composite (or a copy) of every girl you’ve dated in the past and that I’m incapable of being my own person. It’s a HUGE blow to my self-esteem. As if I am unable to harbor my own insecurities, you just keep adding to it, yes?
That’s just to name a few.
Last night, Belle said she suddenly understood where my guy allergies came from (quote of the year!). And that was just after I told her the first three on that list. She basically understood when I said that my recent encounters with the male kind have prompted me to go on a “man-break”. Recent ones have caused too much drama and too many complications (read #1 and #2) and the last one was the most asshole-ic of them all (read #3). SO. Man-break it is.
At this point I’d like to believe enough douchebags have been sent my way that I’ve earned enough karmic retribution for someone decent to come along. Until then, I swear neither to be a bitch nor be bitter about things. Instead, I’ll stick by Michael Buble’s words (in case ‘good old decent one’ drops by soon – they do exist… they WRITE letters and give you postcards and get all giddy about this brilliant line from a song and they call you just because and they notice quirky road signs and they have kickass skills that go BEYOND ROCK BAND) when he sang:
I promise you kid I’ll give so much more than I get…. I just haven’t met you yet. 
-Ariel
Recent Comments